By Shawn and Kyle
Are you feeling down in the dumps? Are you thinking,”Man, what a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day!”? Have no fear! Let comedians Shawn and Kyle take you away with their one-of-a-kind, world-class jokes!
Teacher: We will only have one half of school this morning!
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon.
Billy: Why are there brussels sprouts on my BigMac?
Mom: Because I just got elected president of McDonald’s.
A cowboy goes to into town to get a new horse for his ranch. The horse seller says to the cowboy,”Okay, now listen. This horse used to belong to a pastor. So to make it go, you have to say, ‘Praise the Lord,’ and to make it stop you have to say, ‘Hallelujah.’ OK?” So the cowboy bought the horse and was riding it when he came to the edge of a steep canyon. Quickly, he remembered how to stop the horse and said, “Hallelujah!” Then the cowboy, seeing that he had been saved from near death, reached out his arms and said, “Praise the Lord!”
Bob: Why did the M&M go to school?
Rodger: I don’t know.
Bob: Because he really wanted to be a Smarty!
Johnny: What do you call an angry monkey?
Blake: I have no idea.
Johnny: Furious George.
Nathan: Where is the biggest pencil?
Daniel: I dunno.
John: Do you have holes in your sock?
John: Then how do you get your foot in it?
Leo: What is the fastest country?
Leo: No. Rush-ia.
Claude: Mom! I got a 100 in school today!
Mom: Great. What in?
Claude: A 60 in reading and a 40 in spelling.
A pig and a cow are watching TV. The pig says to the cow,”Want to watch a scary show?”
The cow says, “Sure.”
So the pig changes the channel to the food network.
Brett: What music do mummies like listening to?
Luke: I haven’t the foggiest idea.
Brett: Wrap music!
Chet: Have you heard about the sidewalk joke?
Chet: You haven’t? It’s all over town!
A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.
Moral to the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.
And that’s all for today, folks! Tune in next time for more fabulous jokes from Shawn and Kyle!